Once I was intelligent and fun, interested in the world. Today I am finding it difficult to think past the humming I hear in my head and the utter confusion. I don't even want to talk out loud; it takes such effort and sounds strange.
Depression is tearing my life apart these days and not even the sweet snowdrops fill my heart with hope. Two stunning bunches of tulips are in the hall, usually my heralds of spring and hope but I can't look to the future, no not even an hour ahead, it fills me with such utter emptiness. I can't cope with these feelings of purpose-less, of always fighting, hoping one day I'll feel my life has actually started.
Imagine a day where the sun shines and you just can't get your act together to go outside. The thought of washing and/or dressing is just insurmountable, plus you couldn't bare anyone to see you.. you're only best inside hiding, not embarrassing yourself or others. Just you and these terrible thoughts and feelings that no one can fix or make sense of...
If you've even gotten through to this point, I've turned off comments on this post. I'm actually a little embarrassed to share such utter weakness but I really needed to be cathartic today
Carrie xx
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